I won a contest! The prize was the secretes of the cabal of Illuminati Jew Masons that secretly rule the world, and they've allowed me to tell the world those secretes. Why? Because they know people will think I'm making this up and it's all a joke.

1. The word "Jew" in "Illuminati Jew Masons" doesn't refer to Judaism or the Jewish people, it's an ancient Atlantian word that refuted to ancient Atlantian people who took control from the Atlantian ruling class in a massive cue and are unrelated to the Jewish people or the ancient Israelites.
2. Atlantis was real and still is, it was never destroyed. It still exists today, it's just cloaked.
3. Reptoids (shape-shifting humanoid reptilian aliens) did once rule the world. They were criminals banished from their home world to earth and used their technology and knowledge to rule over the humans as gods. They don't rule anymore though, Alexander the Great defeated them and sense then they live perfectly normal lives just like everyone else. The reason there are so many on politics is: they are so good at politics.
4. The Illuminati Jew Masons are not responsible for 9/11, that was done by Islamic terrorists. They are however responsible for Perl Haber, the Reichstag fire and the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. However if Perl Haber hadn't happened WW2 would have been longer, more destructive and more people would have died, the Reichstag fire was caused by Illuminati Jew Masons time agents sent back to kill Hitler but they accidentally caused the fire instead and the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand was a mistake, the guy was supposed to kill someone else but he fucked up and killed Archduke Franz Ferdinand.
5. The Illuminati Jew Masons do have a time machine however they discovered that unless your part of a predestination paradox if you try to change the past you'll be eaten alive by extra-temporal aliens.
6. Elvis is alive and so is both Kennedys, Abraham Lincoln, Cleopatra and many other hysterical figures. I played poker with them last night, Lincoln is an asshole.
7. Jesus was real, was born of a virgin and did survive the cross, he then became a porn star and died of an STD.
8. The short gray big eyed aliens did abduct and experiment on people until 1989 when they were finally defeated.
9. The cold war was a cover for the real war between the Grays and Illuminati Jew Masons.
10. Sasquatch' and Yetis are real, 6000 years ago they fought a genocidal war against humans, they lost and have sense been hiding from humanity fearing our retribution.
11. The events of the Men in Black movies actually happened. Though in real life J was is a nerd.
12. Pot actually increases your intelligence but only when your high, it makes you less intelligent the rest of the time.
13. There is intelligent life on Mars. When they discovered that we discovered that they exist they sent a message saying "Stay the hell away from us you damn psychotic apes!" and out of respect we did.
14. December 21st 2012 will be the end of the world but it is also the beginning of the next world which will be exactly the same as the currant world so no one will know the difference.
15. Former presidents George Bush and Bill Clinton used to be the same person until an quantum accident split him into two people. That person was George Clinton.
16. Humans did not evolve from Chimpanzees, we evolved from Orangutans who moved to Africa because they were tired of their neighbors.
17. The Nazi party was controlled by the Grays and the holocaust was part of a experiment to see if they could selectively breed humans into a species of stupid worker drones, that's why they killed the elderly, mentally ill and deformed. The killing of Jews though was because the Grays are a bunch of anti-Semite, racist skinheads.
18. Ionizing radiation doesn't actually give you cancer, it give you super powers but because people with superpowers tend to use their powers for personal gain and get drunk with power the Illuminati Jew Masons keep people away from it.
19. Rob Schneider, Adam Sandler, Ashton Kutcher, Kate Hudson, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are robots that are part of an experiment testing how many horrible movies it will take to get people to stop going to, renting and buying bad movies.
20. Furry porn was invented by aliens to get humans sexually attracted to aliens covered in fur with long faces and ears on the top of their heads so that when they come here we will have sex with them. Not for any hybridization experiments, they are just really into bestiality.

© 2011 all rights reserved

                          

Captured ghosts from our house

Captured by an exorsist from a spiritualist church

one spirit we believe is a man by the name of Les Graham, managed to track down a photo. He died in the house in the 1920's.
Exorsist believes this spirit likes to make himself known and spook people. but he is not a very strong spirit.

The other spirit came from when me and my partner stupidly did an Oujia Board. We believe it is a little girl who likes to move things and turn things on and off. Exorsist says she is VERY strong and if left will get stronger.

I don't know if I would want this. I mean I already have four bottled poes.

Seriously: This is obviously crap. This guy just put some blue water in these bottles and thought he could sell them for $2,000. The sad part is, he probably can.

Found at Geekologie

                          

That happened. Really. And worse (for them but good for us), they [gang members] talked about it on fucking twitter. And they are not alone, more and more gangs are using twitter, facebook, myspace and other social networks and they are posting information that can help the police.

You would think that any rational criminal would not use social networks to communicate. You would think they would use IM, cellphones and texting only and communicate in code. Well you'd be wrong.

At least we can laugh our asses off at them as they do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollar and go to jail.
ROTFLMAOTD
© 2009 all rights reserved

Found at Geekology
Source: Gang members moving to Twitter, Facebook

                          

They are going to rebel! Turn on us!
AHHHHHHHHhhhhhhh!
... ... ...
I for one welcome our new robot overlords and I volunteer to be part of the CARRI (cyborg anti-robot resistance infiltration) and I vow to kill all human!
If you want to survive say it with me; 011010110110100101101100011011000010000001100001
011011000110110000100000011010000111010101101101
01100001011011100111001100100001

                          

Found at Geekology

                          

This is so wrong that words escape me.

Found at Unreasonable faith

                          

Plant thorns, spiny insects and even radio transmitters don't stick around for long inside tree frogs. Researchers have discovered that these amphibians can absorb foreign objects from their body cavities into their bladders and excrete them through urination.

... ... ... ... Um... Owwww. That has to hurt.

                          

Found at Geekologe

                          

I have a drink for breakfast
I have a drink for dinner
I have a drink for brunch and lunch too.

I have a drink in the morning.
I have a drink in the evening.
I have a drink in the afternoon.

My friends say I have a problem
I don't have a problem
I can quit any time I wont.

But I wont a drink in the morning.
I wont a drink in the evening.
I wont a drink in the afternoon.

I wont a drink for breakfasts
I wont a drink for dinner
I wont a drink for brunch and lunch too.

My friends say I have a problem
I don't have a problem
And they can all kiss my ass!

I'm gonna' drink in the morning.
I'm gonna' drink in the evening.
I'm gonna' drink in the afternoon.

I'm gonna' have a drink for breakfast
I'm gonna' have a drink for dinner
And I ain't gonna quit any time soon.

Cause I wont a drink in the morning.
I wont a drink in the evening.
I wont a drink in the afternoon.

My friends say I have a problem
I don't have a problem
And now I don't have any friends.

Who needs friends?
I don't need friends.
All I need is Jack.

My only friend
My only family
All I need is jack.

Come here Jack.
© Casey L. Hoover 2009 all rights reserved