Old Warehose

Copyright of Lone Wolf
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This started out as free writing but turned into something.

"Do you have it?" Red said.
"Yes." William answered, lifting a large duffel bag.
"Where did you find it?"
"Does it matter?"
"Yes."
"Well I prefer to keep that a secret. Do you have the money?"
"Yes but not here. It is in a storage locker at the bus station. We will give you the key when we have it and know where you got it."
The two men stared at each other for minutes then Red took a key out of his jacket pocket turned to the man on his right and said: "Blue. Get the money and bring it here."
Blue took the key from Red then left the building.
"Now," Red said "Where did you find it?"
"Is it really that important to you?"
"Yes."
William laughed. "Well, okay. I found it in an alley near the Korean grocers on 25th, it was near the body of an old hooker. Its a pity really, she gave good head." William laughed
"Old hooker? Julia?"
"Yeah, that's her."
"Good." Red paused then: "Shoot him!"
The sound of a gun rang though the old warehouse. William dropped the duffel bag and fell, dead.
Blue walked out of the shadows, placing a gun back in his coat. Two other men followed Blue.
red walked up the the body of William and picked up the duffel bag. "Get rid of that thing," He said referring to the body of William. "and give me my keys."
© 2009 all rights reserved

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3 Responses to “Old Warehose”

  1. LW -

    Far be it from me to criticize, but you DID say to “Feel free to point out any spelling and grammar errors” – “duffle bad”?

    • Lone Wolf says:

      Argh! Frekin’ typos!
      Thanks for pointing its out. I can’t proofread my own work, I always miss a bunch of things.

  2. Val says:

    >”Yes but not here.
    Yes, but not here. Comma.

    >red walked up
    Red.

    >He said referring to the body of William. “and give me my keys.”
    William, “and give me my keys.” Comma not a period there.

    I think you should have made a connection to Julia and Red. Was he his sister, mother, lover? It’s a bit confusing as it is now. Why does Red care if the old hooker is dead or not? Why does it strike such a personal chord for him?

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