Updated: 01/25/09
This is chapters 3 and 4 of a book (hopefully) I'm writing. I post it here for purposes of criticism, I want you to read it and critique it. Post a comment telling me what you think. Is it good? Is it bad? Anything you sew wrong with it, post it.

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Chapter 3: End of a life and birth of an unlife
I awoke up in small room, let by a single candle.
The from behind me He spoke: "At last your awake! For a moment I though I had hit you too hard."
As I got up from the floor and I looked around. In the corner of the room was a young woman bound and gagged.
"Where am I?" I yelled, "What are you? Are you the Devil? I will not give you my soul!"
"Devil?" He said laughing, "No. I am your new father. Well I will be, but first you must be reborn into death."
He then attacked me, biting my throat, he then drained me of my blood. I fell into unconsciousness again.
I then found my self surrounded by darkness, a deep black darkness. I looked down at my self, I seemed to be lit but there was no source of light.
Where am I? I thought, What is this place? Where is this light coming from?
Then in the darkness, I saw figure lit as I was. I recognized him.
looking at the figure standing in the darkness with me I thought: It can't be. He's dead, I saw him die. "F-Father? Father is that you?" I asked.
"Marcelo?" The figure replied.
"Father! Its you!" I yelled and ran up[ to him. "Father, your ali- ... Wha- What is this place?"
"I don't know." My father said looking around, looking confused.
"Am I dead? Is this hell?"
My Father didn't answer, he just looked at me with a confused look on his face.
From behind me I felt a strange pull. I turned and saw what looked like a glowing shimmering pool of water, in the pool I could see Him standing over a body. Coming from this shimmering light I felt a force trying to pull me towards the light.
"Father, whats happening?"
"I don't know."
The force grew stronger, it started pulling me towards the shimmering pool of light. "Father." I said as I turned and grabbed ahold of my father. The force grew stronger. "Father help!" I yelled as I lost my grip, he then grabbed my arms.
Looking in his eyes I said: "Father I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything."
"No, don't. Its not y-" he said as he had lost his grip. I was pulled away from him, pulled towards the shimmering pool of light. "No! Marcelo! I'm-" my father faded from my vision and a I awoke.
I screamed in torturous agony as pain shot through every fiber of my body.
"Welcome to your new life my new son." The man said.
"Wha- what have done to me?" I yelled.
"I have given you eternity!"
The pain faded and I was able to move again but I was very week.
"Your week?" He asked. "You must feed it. Or your eternity will end, slowly and horribly."
"Feed what?" I asked.
"The gift" He replied as he quickly walked to the corner of the room. He grabbed the bound woman with one hand, he waked back to me holding her. He then shoved her neck in my face and said "Drink, feed!" as he took a small knife and cut her neck. Her blood came poring out. "Drink, feed!" He said again.
"No!" I said, "I am not a cannibal!"
"Drink or I'll kill you my self!" He yelled, grabbing my by the throat.
"No!"
He then threw the woman against the wall. "Then suffer here!" he yelled and walked out of the room slamming door.

I attempted to open the door but it was locked from the other side. I tried to force it open but was too weak. I looked around the room, looking for a weak spot in the wall, a spot I could make a hole and escape. I tried for a weak spot in the floor where I could make a hole and go to a lower floor or dig my way out. I even tried to set the door on fire using the candle. All to no avail.
I yelled, I screamed for him to let me out. "In the name of God," I demanded, "let me out of this cursed chamber demon!" I screamed but it was to no avail. I yelled until my throat was raw but there I remained.
I prayed to God for my release and for the pain to end but my prayers went unanswered.
The candle eventually burned out. I was in the dark for what felt like an eternity.
As time passed I got weaker and the pain got worse. It was maddening. I was exhausted, in incompressible pain and very weak. My grip on sanity was nearly gone. I no longer prayed for release, I prayed for death. My prayers remained unanswered.
Then when I was barely able to move, half conscious and near insanity. He returned. He returned with a new victim for me.
"Oh, poor boy." He said, "You can't even move. I can help you with that."
I do not remember what this victim looked like or if he was conscious, I don't even remember feeding on him. But some time latter, I awoke with semi-dried blood on my lips and the taste of blood in my mouth. I was still week but move and walk. For a moment I though the whole experience was a nightmare but the blood staines on my shirt, the blood on my lips and the taste in my mouth proved beyond any doubt that it had happened.

Chapter 4: The Dark Room
A candle was lit on the table in the room, the body of the woman was gone and there was a bowl of stew and a bottle of whine on the table, next to the candle. I was starving, I ate the stew and drake the bottle of whine quickly.
Hours past, the candle burned out, it was dark again. I banged on the door, screamed for to let me out. I scratched at the door until my fingers bled. The hours of darkness and silence was maddening.
I laid in the corner of the room. Mt finger had finally stopped bleeding. I had exhausted my self trying to brake threw the door. I feared I would die there, cold, alone, in the dark.
I was nearly asleep when I heard Him on the other side of the door. In my mind I knew it was Him but I hopped it was not, I prayed it was not. I hopped it was someone who would let me out, some one who would save me from the hell I was in. I jumped to me feet and ran to the door and screamed: "Help! Let me out of here! I'm trapped in here. Please who ever is out there help me! For the love of God help me!" When the door opened and all my hopes were dashed. It was Him.
"My child!" He yelled, "My son, my new born baby."
"I am not your child!" I screamed as I attacked Him. I went to hit him but he grabbed my fists before they could even touch him, he then pushed my back and I fell to the floor. He stood there laughing, it enraged me. I got to my feet, grabbed the whine bottle from the table and attacked him again but again I could not touch him. He grabbed my wrist and my throat. He laughed as he broke my wrist and threw me to the floor.
"I brought you a gift" He said, he then pulled a bound young woman from from next to the door, outside the room. "Come my child, its time to feed."
"I am not a cannibal!" I screamed as I pulled my self up, my wrist in pain. He then grabbed me, forced my face to her throat and and angrily said "Feed!" My will was weakened, my wrist was in pain and I feared being shut up in the room, in the darkness again.
"Yes," I said, "I will feed." I looked at the woman's face, she was in tears, terrified. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" I told her.
"Don't be sorry," He said as he cut her artery with a small knife, "you are releasing her from her pathetic life."
Her blood pored out from the wound, I drunk the blood. I could feel the worm blood go down my throat, it disgusted me. But then I felt a new sensation, it started as vibration coming from the pit of my stomach, this vibration became an "energy" an energy that flowed threw my body, it flowed threw my vanes, threw my nerves, threw my mussels and then I felt her. I don't mean I touched her and felt her cloths or skin, I mean I felt Her. I felt her cloths as if I was wearing them, the ropes the bound her, I felt the blood flow threw, out of her, I began to feel her pain, then her emotions, I saw threw her eyes and I could hear her thoughts. The boundaries between her and I blurred. And then, she faded from me, her thoughts and vision dimmed from my consciousness, her heart slowed and then stopped. I could not feel her anymore, I could no longer feel the energy ether. I felt something leaving me, moving away from me but not in an direction I could perceive and for a moment I could see the darkness again, I saw her in it, she faded into the darkness and darkness from my mind.
I found me self clutching her body, He was no longer holding it, or me, I lowered her body to the flood. I was unnerved and confused. It had felt like an hours had passed but it could not have been that long. My body tingled, I felt stronger than I was before. I felt a great euphoria, a great heigh, like I had taken a powerful opiate. I was drunk on it and I wanted more.
"Bring me another," I said, "I need more."
He laughed and said: "No my child, thats enough for now. Cherish the sensation for the more you feed, the more you need to feel it."
"I want more! Bring me another! Please bring me another." I begged clutching his shirt.
"No!" he said as he pushed me back "Not now, soon but not now." He picked up the body of the woman and left the room, slamming the door.
"No! Please more, just one!" I said trying to scratch at the door with my ruined nails. I fell to me knees and said: "Just one more"
I was in darkness again but I was was not afraid, I was euphoric, energetic, I was high. I walked around the room feeling the walls, not for an exist, not for any weakness, just to feel them, I felt the table, the candle, the bowl, I felt the floor, I found the whine bottle, I felt it, sniffed the smell of the whine that was in it. I experienced sensations that I had experienced countless times as if it was the first time.
Some hours later the heigh had faded, my mind was normal again.
What happened to me? I thought, What have I become? Did He make a make me a monster, a demon who gains pleasure by consuming the blood of the living? What hell is this that I must live?
The door opened, He had returned.
"What did you do to me?" I asked.
"I gave you the gift."
"Gift? What gift?"
"Immortality."
"Immortality? You made me a demon!"
"Demon? We are not demons! We are divine!"
"Divine? Living forever on the blood of the living? That is not divine! You are the Devil come to poison my soul! I will not let you, I will not damn my soul!"
"Enough of this! You must eat, blood alone is not enough to sustain you."
He tried to hand me a bowl of stew but I smacked it out of his hand and yelled: "I will not eat your poison!" he then pushed me back with such force that it broke several of my ribs.
"You will not leave this room until you know your place child!" He yelled then slammed the door.
His words frightened me. "gift", "immortality" Was I damned to this hell forever? The high I got from consuming the poor woman's blood, it frightened me more: What am I? Am I a demon? And then an even more frightening thought came into my mind: What if I had not survived the ally? What if I am dead and this is Hell? Am I truly damned? I then prayed, I prayed for hours.
I became hungry, hungry for food and hungry for something new. My body ached, I could not get the memory of the high out of my mind. The pain worsened as time passed. It was unbearable.
The door opened, a young man was thrown in to the room, bound like the others. From the doorway He said: "Feed and your pain will disappear and you will feel pleasure again." He then placed a single candle near the door in the room then he slammed the door shut nearly blowing out the candle.
I looked at the man and all I could think of was his blood. I prayed for the strength to fight the desire for his blood but it was futile. I could not resist, the hunger was too great.
I could not get up, the pain was too strong. I crawled towards the man. I saw my reflection in his eyes, I looked like an animal. I didn't care, the hunger was too strong. I pulled him towards me, I bit down on his neck, I bit with all the force I could, I broke the skin, opened the artery and consumes every drop that pored out. I felt the same sensations as before, the energy flowing threw me, I felt body and mind of the man, I saw the darkness and the high returned. I watched the candle, I touched the flame, I watched it, mesmerized by it as it burned down and out.
Hours passed again, the heigh faded. The thought of what I has done pierced my soul. This one is unforgivable, I thought. The first one I was barely conscious and half mad, the second I was forced but this time, this time I have no excuse. If this is not Hell than I am now damned to spend eternity there once I am dead.
The door opened, he came in and said: "My child, you have fed."
"Yes." I replied.
"Did you enjoy your feeding?"
"Yes." I said again.
"You must eat, a vampire can not live on blood alone" He placed a plate of Mutton before me. I ate it, every last bit of it. "Wow, you must have been hungry"
"Yes"
"Can you say anything other than 'yes'?"
"I give in, I accept your gift. I am your child."
My spirit had been brocken. The darkness, the guilt, the high, they had torn down my will and broken me.
Copyright © Casey L Hoover 2009 All rights reserved